Monday, May 26, 2014

Final Analysis

I'm Afraid, a poem by Maria Mercedes Carranza, taught me a lot about fear, an emotion which I thought I knew plenty about. I never realized how much fear affects all other emotions, and your physical being as well as your mental being. The poem talks about how fear is a primal instinct, and how it naturally takes over the whole body when you are feeling it. It consumes you, your life. Fear consumed Carranza, as she committed suicide only months after this poem was written. Fear affects other emotions, it affected Carranza's depression and her anxiety, which she expresses in the poem. She fears her own self. She says that she she is afraid she will not see another day, not because someone will hurt her, but because she is hurting herself. She is drowning in her own self.

In the beginning of this study, I had a completely different outlook on this poem. At first, I did not even see what she was afraid of or why. I only recognized depression in the poem, I didn't understand that she was afraid of anything, I only thought she was sad and suicidal. I now see there is so much more than that. Her depression stems from her fear, and so does her anxiety. She fears living the sad life she does, she fears having to live another day of pain and hurt. The interview with my father really cleared things up for me. He told me about fear has taken over her life so much that she has the inability to control it. Fear is living her life for her, a mistake that many are making every day. I myself have experienced this. Sometimes I fear the upcoming life I have, and in turn feel anxious, stressed, and sad. I learned the importance of how to break from this way of living life.

The process of examining the poem this way really helped me. The interview was my favorite part of this assignment. To get this outside perspective helped me greatly to widen the horizon of my poem. The order of reading, analysing, interviewing, and analysing again was really affective for me. I hope I can use this process more in the future in my literature studies, it is so helpful. I saw the poem so clearly at the end of this process. Although the poem is short and may seem straightforward, it was so much different than I thought. Instead of seeing only depression and fear, I took away from the poem a message; that we must stop allowing fear to control our lives.

Something in the poem that changed over time for me and I took away at the end was this: "Fear at dawn for inevitably the sun will rise and I’ll have to see it/when the sun sets because it might not come out tomorrow. (Carranza 3-4). When I first read this line, I thought she was simply saying that she wishes to be dead. I was very wrong, however. What she is saying is completely different. Carranza means that she is scared that she might not make it to another day, and she is also scared that she will make it to another day. Her life is so full of fear that nothing, not life nor death, can comfort her and take away this fear. This is very important for anyone who feels trapped or depressed. Fear is what is anchoring them into this position, how can you move while not wishing life nor death? This purgatory is maddening, and Carranza does an amazing job of explaining this. I want help people recognize this, as Carranza has. 

Overall, this project was really positive and amazing for me. I took away so much more from this than I have with any other assignment I have come across. Not only where my eyes opened to the beauty and message of one poem, but there are 30 others I will be experiencing. The 3 presenters on Friday did an amazing job, and I truly did take something away from each poem. The objects given really made the message of each poem stick with me. My object is a small silhouette drawing of a man and his shadow. I chose the shadow as a well-known representation of fear. The truth to this fear is that the shadow is only yourself. You have only yourself to fear, that is the biggest truth I took away from I'm Afraid. You have only your own fear to fear, even though that might sound confusing. The only thing holding people back stems away from the primal nature of our fear. To conquer this in a positive way for our lives is the key to a happy fulfilled life.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Interview Analysis

Interview Analysis


I come in through my front door into my house. Almost no lights were visible from outside, as if no one was home. But surely, my family was home on this Monday night (around 6pm), which was good because I need to interview my father about my poem. I walk into the kitchen, which is light up and smells like the chicken and rice dinner that I had missed. My father was sitting at the kitchen table looking at something on his iPad. The kitchen was a little messy, some leftover dishes here and there. So, I asked my father is we could sit in the living room while I interview him. My father is always reading a book. He loves literature, and actually majored in English, which is why I was excited to bring my poem to him to interview.


My father sits on the couch and I sit in the red leather chair across from him. The living room is cozy and well light. I begin the interview with giving him a copy of my poem to read. He reads it several times over, and aloud slowly. I ask him what his first impressions are of the poem. He responds, "This poem really brings out the sensation of fear and describes very well how fear feels." I agree with him, and say that the poem is very relatable when it comes to feeling fear. I wait for my dad to say more, because I know that he will. Sure enough, he begins again. He says, "It expresses the authors uncertainty of life and the physical world. It really stresses how fear is a pure emotion sensed from instinct from your past. The author is clearly afraid of the inability to control her life. She seems to be suffering from sort of mental suffering, probably anxiety and depression." I ask him if he thinks the poem is really about her being afraid, or just being depressed. He answers, "She fears facing another day, she says she is afraid she might not survive another night. She fears her depression. Pretty sad."


I ask next why fear is taking such a big part of this woman' depression, because I had not noticed this. "She is aware of her fear," my father says, "she recognizes it. She is saying that even in death she wont be comforted. The primal nature of fear has taken over her." The author is very intelligent, very smart to have the understand that she is so fearful throughout her depression, and not just sad. I ask my father if he has any additional thoughts. He does, of course. I listen intently, writing furiously as he says, "The author really comes across with her expression of how primal fear is. When you experience fear, that is all you feel. It consumes you, you feel nothing else. That is why she gets so upset at these small inconveniences."


My last question for my father is if he is confused or uncertain about anything in the poem. He says he is not. He really helped me to understand that this poem was about more than just a sad woman. The interview made me realize how controlling this single emotion is. I really feel for the author. I feel so sad that she is so fearful of taking on another day. I am really sad to have learned in my research that she took her own life not long after this poem was written.











Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Poet Research

My poem is I'm Afraid by Maria Mercedes Carranza. Carranza was a poet and journalist born in Bogota, Colombia in 1945. Her father, Eduardo Carranza was a poet of great prestige. She has early influence of his poetry, and his father's friends' poetry (including Pablo Neruda). Maria lived part of her early life in Spain, and moved back to Colombia when she was in high school. She had a very hard time adjusting back to the culture. In her early twenties, she was appointed director of the Vanguard Literary Page in the Bogota newspaper, El Siglo (The Century). She studied philosophy and published her first book of poems, Vainas y otros poemas (Pods and other poems). For 16 years, Carranza was the director of the Casa de poesía Silva. Through it, she dedicated herself to teaching the people of Colombia that “words can replace bullets”, as she said. She did a lot to promote the poetry of  Colombian poet José Asunción Silva; and she created large events so that the people of Colombia could get “great doses of poetry” in her words, because she believed, “poetry helps you to live”. Carranza committed suicide in 2003 in the same city she was born.

The poem I'm Afraid is a dark poem. It is talking a lot about her displeasure of life, and how nothing makes her happy. Carranza's brother was kidnapped a few months before she committed suicide. He was never found, and this had a huge effect on the poet's life. She took her life by overdosing on antidepressant pills in July of 2003. She went through a great deal of suffering, as her poem shows. She fears life and the way life can hurt so badly. She fears suffering, for she fears she won't be able to endure any more suffering and new hardships. She says, "But then perhaps it takes only a stain on the tablecloth and again terror overcomes me". She is overwhelmed by the smallest fear, everywhere she turns there is fear. 

Works Cited
http://www.poetryinternationalweb.net/pi/site/poet/item/1280/16/maria-mercedes-carranza
http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=es&u=http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar%25C3%25ADa_Mercedes_Carranza&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dmaria%2Bmercedes%2Bcarranza

Monday, May 12, 2014

siddhartha essay

Suffering is the reason people want to live, and the reason they don't. Suffering both plagues and aides Siddhartha as he goes through his journey of life in Herman Hesse's novel.


Suffering is the reason people want to live, and the reason they don't. Suffering both plagues and aides Siddhartha as he goes through his journey of life in Herman Hesse's novel. Siddhartha experiences many sorts of suffering, the main ones being love, finding himself, and temptation. He suffers so much with love, but it doesn't end there for him. He goes through great struggle to find himself, which is delayed by his desire and temptation. Through all this suffering is how Siddhartha eventually reaches enlightenment.

At the beginning of the book, Siddhartha suffers with finding himself. This is the reason he leaves home, as he is unsatisfied with his Bromhin life. He leaves his family to set out to find a life that suits him, so that he may find himself. "Where did his eternal heart lie beating? Where else but within oneself, in the innermost indestructible core each man carries inside him. But where, where was this Self, this innermost, utmost thing?"(Hesse 5). Siddhartha is very unsettled with the fact he does not know himself, who he is. This is when he realizes he must take a journey, and have life experiences in order to find himself. He longs for peace within himself, to be settled at heart. "He longed to be rid of himself, to find peace, to be dead." (Hesse 73). Siddhartha cannot stand being in this situation of 

Friday, May 9, 2014

I'm Afraid



I'M AFRAID
Maria Mercedes Carranza


Look at me: fear inhabits me.

Behind these serene eyes, in this body that loves: fear.

Fear at dawn for inevitably the sun will rise and I’ll have to see it,

when the sun sets because it might not come out tomorrow.

I watch the mysterious noises of this house that crumbles,

the ghosts, the shadows surround me and I’m afraid.

I make sure to sleep with the light on

and I get my hands on spears, shields, illusions.

But then perhaps it takes only a stain on the tablecloth

and again terror overcomes me.

Nothing calms me, nothing soothes me:

neither this useless word, nor the passion of love,

not even the mirror where I can already see my dead face.

Listen carefully, I shout it: I’m afraid.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Siddhartha End

The end of Siddhartha got more complicated. I really enjoyed this book, nonetheless. It is definitely my favorite piece of literature that we studied this year. I like how the book let you learn about about the self, which is something everyone can apply to themselves. I really liked how the book encouraged the following of yourself, and listening to the world around you. My favorite thing about the book is how it handles death. Finding happiness in Siddhartha's death, appreciating his life, and understanding that he was ready for death, was all a change of pace from most literature.

I hated chapter 6. Siddhartha and Kamala say they never really loved each other, but clearly they did, and they do. They were in love all along, it makes me kind of angry that they're playing that game with each other's minds. Kamala dies in Siddhartha's arms at they end of the chapter, and they were in love. They wasted time playing around that they didn't love each other, and now one of them is dead. Siddhartha discovers he has a son with whom he shares his name. Their relationship mirrors that of Siddhartha and his Brahmin father, which makes him understand that his son must leave. Govinda finds Siddhartha again at the end of the book, and experiences his enlightenment and death. The major theme playing out here is love; both with Kamala and Govinda.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Siddartha

The first half of Siddhartha, chapters 1-6, Siddhartha is starting his journey. He exhibits the first parts of the Hero's Journey, such as responding to the call to action. He sets out to be Samana, but is never satisfied with the knowledge he gains. He learns so much but always acts as if it is never good enough. I see Siddhartha as being kind of ignorant and stuck up. He seeks knowledge, but if he truly is ignorant, he wont be able to achieve what he wants. It is great that he has such a passion for knowledge and learning and new things, which could bring him very far, even enlightenment. If his ignorance continues, he won't be able to achieve this.

In the first half of this book, Govinda and Siddhartha set out to find and listen to the teachings of the Buddha. Govinda and Siddhartha part here, as Govinda joins the Buddha. Siddhartha isn't satisfied with the Buddha's teachings, he thinks he is wrong, so he keeps moving on. The city he ends up in is one to tempt him and change his beliefs. He meets Kamala, who teaches him how to love. They soon realize that they are not in love with each other, but I think they will later on. Love is a tricky thing in this situation. The brink of love is hard place to be, and this could be dangerous if one person falls in love and the other does not. Siddartha seems to be centered on himself, and still showing both ignorance and arrogance, so maybe love will help him start his journey to enlightenment. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

4/28

Partner Analysis- Emily Nivens and Tessa Schlatter

"... from this moment, Siddhartha emerged, more  firmly Self than before, solidified. This, he felt, had been the final shiver of awakening, the final pangs of birth." (Hesse 37).

"Siddhartha realized he was youth no longer." (Hesse 33).
"It was the Self whose meaning and nature I wished to learn. It was the Self I wished to escape from, wished to overcome." (Hesse 34). 
"...the stars drifted in the small window and changed their shape before the silence in the room reached its end." (Hesse 9). 



Monday, April 21, 2014

kafka essay



         Humanity seems to have a problem realizing their fatal flaws. We humans usually don’t like to accept them once we have been told them, either. Literature seems to be the only hope to bring the realization of society’s flaws forth. This can be done using empathy. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka has been to known to show elements of a parable. Parables can be used to teach a lesson to its reader, to make them feel empathetic and realize a moral. This has been executed in The Metamorphosis many times. There are many lessons to be taken from Kafka’s short story when you are thrown into the shoes of Gregor, the verminous bug. He was made a bug because that’s what he was on society, like many people had become in the modernism era. He worked his life away without having any experiences, relationships, or pleasure in life of any sort. This leads to his sad demise. His family is what he lives his miserable life for, though they do not care for him at all. This is another lesson Kafka teaches. These morals can be taken and applied to one’s life, so they can realize what they are missing before it is too late.
           
            A very prominent lesson in this story is that outward appearances hold no value, and being quick to judge the appearance of someone will leave you in the dark with missed opportunities. Gregor was a verminous bug, unsuitable for sacrifice. How ironic that his insides were so beautiful and pure, while his outsides were the opposite. He was so devoted to his family that upon realizing he had become a bug, his concern was only to make it to his job. Even upon the arrival of his manager, Gregor only wants to get out of bed and go to work. “’Perhaps you have not read the latest orders which I sent in. Besides, now I’m setting out on my trip on the eight o’clock train; the few hours’ rest have made me stronger. Mr. Manager, do not stay. I will be at the office in person right away. Please have the goodness to say that and to convey my respects to the Chief.’” (Kafka 5). Gregor, upon learning he has been transformed into a bug, will stop at nothing to get out of bed, get on a train, and explain himself to the boss. He expects to do all of this in the state he is in. Most family members and friends would be devastated that their loved one has become a giant insect. Gregor’s family does not. They are disgusted with him, so much they refuse to look at him or be near him, even his beloved sister. “But not only did she not step inside; she even retreated and shut the door. A stranger really could have concluded from this that Gregor had been lying in wait for her and wanted to bite her” (Kafka 13). Gregor has thought that his sister still loves him unconditionally and is not bothered by his appearance. He does realize that his sister is closing the door on him not to give him privacy, but because she cannot stand the sight of his hideous exterior. The irony is that it is the family who is repulsive, not Gregor. Kafka uses a dark humor to open the reader’s eyes to the lessons. David Foster Wallace explains this in his speech, Laughing with Kafka. “Because, of course, great short stories and great jokes have a lot in common. Both depend on what communication -theorists sometimes call "exformation," which is a certain quantity of vital information removed from but evoked by a communication in such a way as to cause a kind of explosion of associative connections within the recipient. This is probably why the effect of both short stories and jokes often feels sudden and percussive…”(Wallace 1). The humor Kafka uses is not directly expressed in a joke, which is why many people don’t see the humor at all. For example when Gregor is trying to comfort his frightened mother but accidentally snaps his jaws at her at the smell of the coffee. This seems so depressing to read, but there is a sense of humor here. This lesson that Kafka is teaching is relevant to all people because no one can say they have never judged a person by their exterior appearance. This is where the empathy is created, and hopefully where a realization is made.

            Perhaps the saddest lesson to be learned in The Metamorphosis is the one Gregor never does; the fact that those closest to you, whom you care most for, can hurt you the worst. Gregor was being used by his family to pay off their debt, and even still, was looked at as a failure, especially to his father. They never truly cared for Gregor, not even his beloved younger sister. Upon a terrible thing happening to their son and brother, the family turns against him. The father is truly disgusting in his ways of treating his son in a time of need. “If Gregor only had been allowed to turn himself around, he would have been in his room right away, but he was afraid to make his father impatient by the time-consuming process of turning around, and each moment he faced the threat of a mortal blow on his back or his head from the cane in his father’s hand.” (Kafka 8). The disturbing thing about this story is not the fact that a man was transformed into a bug, it is the way the bug is treated by his own family, how there is absolutely no intimacy between them. This intimacy is explained by Thomas C. Foster’s Nice to Eat With You, when he discusses how close and comfortable with other people one must be in order to eat with them. “We’re quite particular about those with whom we break bread. We may not, for instance, accept a dinner invitation from someone we don’t care for. The act of taking food into our bodies is so personal that we really only want to do it with people we’re very comfortable with” (Foster 6). This idea of communion, and the act of eating is so personal that most of us only feel comfortable eating around those we are very close with, such as our families. Gregor doesn’t have this. His family refuses to eat with him, and even before he was a bug he rarely ate with them due to his demanding work hours. His sister runs away and closes the door on him to let him eat alone because of her own discomfort. Foster also discusses vampirism in Nice to Eat You. Vampirism focuses on the typical vampire in the media, where he focuses in on a vulnerable victim. This is a usually young woman for the purpose of taking their virginity. This idea is seen in The Metamorphosis between Gregor and his life-sucking parents. Foster says, “The essentials of the vampire story, as we discussed earlier: an older figure representing corrupt, outworn values; a young, preferably virginal female; a stripping away of her youth, energy, virtue; a continuance of the life force of the old male; the death or destruction of the young woman”(Foster 19). Gregor is the vulnerable victim of his father. His father is the vampire that sucks everything he can out of him, putting him to work for ridiculous hours for his own benefit. He strips Gregor of the person he once was. The family takes advantage of him until he absolutely cannot work anymore, which would be when he dies.

            From the very start of The Metamorphosis, it is clear that Gregor spends his whole life working longs hours at a miserable job. He works sunup to sundown doing miserable work as a travelling salesman, receiving a poor salary. Kafka clearly wants to convey that people should not spend their life working day and night, especially at something that does not make them happy. “’O God,’ he thought, ‘what a demanding job I’ve chosen! Day in, day out, on the road. The stresses of selling are much greater than the actual work going on at head office, and, in addition to that, I still have to cope with the problems of travelling, the worries about train connections, irregular bad food, temporary and constantly changing human relationships, which never come from the heart. To hell with it all!’” (Kafka 1).  These ways of working all the time came about from modernism, an era from around 1914 to 1965. The rapid growth of modern cities and industry kept this way of life going. Kafka disagrees with this work ethic and wants people to be able to experience passion and good relationships with people. Kafka himself was not happy at his job at a law firm, and said writing was his calling and his pleasure. Everyone should be able to have this, instead of working themselves to death. In the idea of existentialism, one could say Gregor chose this demise himself through the way he existed. Existentialism is the idea that one’s life is dependent on only the self, and the choices that are made, thoughts that are had, and actions that are done. He made the choice to allow his parents to take advantage of him, as he never denied them or quit his job. Unfortunately, Gregor’s love and devotion to his family lead him to his downfall. Thoughts and feelings also play into existentialism. Gregor always had a seemingly negative attitude towards his job, surroundings, and life overall. “The dreary weather—the rain drops were falling audibly down on the metal window ledge—made him quite melancholy. ‘Why don’t I keep sleeping for a little while longer and forget all this foolishness,’ he thought.”(Kafka 1). Gregor is so consumed with work that he is not bothered by the fact that he is now a bug, but that the weather is dreary and that he must be hallucinating, as he could not be miss work. When Gregor is dying he suggests that he understands what he has done to get him to this place. “Gregor now hardly ate anything anymore. Only when he accidentally passed the food laid out for him would he take a bite into his mouth just For fun, hold it in for hours, and then mostly spit it out again” (Kafka 21). Gregor realizes here that he is over, and that his life was his decision. It is a sad thing to come to peace with, but he understands his life he led of loneliness and alienation. Kafka is conveying a moral lesson to the reader to get them to realize you must not choose or allow yourself to live your life in such a way.
           
            Kafka gives many moral lessons to be taken from The Metamorphosis. He uses his dark humor to create empathy in a reader, so they can feel what Gregor feels. Reading of the depressing  life of Gregor will evoke the realization of the lessons, so that one should not repeat these same tragedies. These moral lessons show Kafka’s The Metamorphosis to be considered a parable. 

Sunday, April 13, 2014

caterpillar

The study of The Metamorphosis continued all week. It is so packed full of symbolism and metaphor, it took forever to analyze. There is so much to take in at once with this story, but it is all relevant to society. Reading Nice to Eat with You and Nice to Eat You with the act of eating into a whole new perspective for me. It also connected to The Metamorphosis really interestingly. The act of eating is so much more intimate that I ever realized. I feel uncomfortable eating around most people, few people can I comfortably eat with people, and eat messy foods or a lot of food. Gregor does not eat with his family, he watches them eat through the crack in his hideaway of a door. His little sister brings him food, and runs away so that she wont have to watch him eat. The do not for a community as said in the quote, "Generally, eating with another is a way of saying, 'I'm with you, I like you, we form a community together.'"(8). Gregor cannot form this community with his family. 

Gregor inability to eat with his family makes for his disconnect that leads to his demise. It is not normal for a family to react the way they did upon learning Gregor had been turned into a bug. Most would freak out, rush him to the hospital, or try to help him. Instead Gregor's family locks him away. The parents aren't concerned with the fact that Gregor needs to eat in order to survive. The sister is the only one who feeds him, and even she cannot stand to share the act of eating with him, or be in his presence while he does so. In Nice to Eat With You, it says, "We're quite particular about with those whom we break bread. We may not, for instance, accept a dinner invitation from someone we don't care for."(8). Gregor's family cannot break bread with him, the bread that he provided for his family. 

Monday, April 7, 2014

exist

This week we learned about existentialism and the idea of empathic civilization. Existentialism is a very complicated concept, but from what I understood, it is basically about human existence and the choices people make to lead them through life and the journey it holds. These ideas directly relate to The Metamorphosis. We discussed how the story could evoke one of two reactions in a reader; an apathetic feeling towards Gregor, or an empathetic feeling towards Gregor. If the reader does not feel empathy, Kafka is making an example of them, as what we need to change about society. The video we watched about empathic civilization is saying the same thing; how we need to learn and grow as a society to be empathic towards our species, other animals, plants, our earth as a whole. 
 
Existentialism is an important concept to be related to The Metamorphosis. It can be seen in a couple of different ways. Some would argue that Gregor had what happened to him (becoming a bug, being rejected by his family, dying) coming to him because of the choices he mad. He made the decision to live with his parents and pay off there debt. He also made the decision to shut his family out in a way, by working endless hours, and locking his bedroom doors at all times, and never spending time with them. The way Gregor decided to exist (according to existentialism) lead to his downfall and demise.