Final Analysis

I'm Afraid, a poem by Maria Mercedes Carranza, taught me a lot about fear, an emotion which I thought I knew plenty about. I never realized how much fear affects all other emotions, and your physical being as well as your mental being. The poem talks about how fear is a primal instinct, and how it naturally takes over the whole body when you are feeling it. It consumes you, your life. Fear consumed Carranza, as she committed suicide only months after this poem was written. Fear affects other emotions, it affected Carranza's depression and her anxiety, which she expresses in the poem. She fears her own self. She says that she she is afraid she will not see another day, not because someone will hurt her, but because she is hurting herself. She is drowning in her own self.

In the beginning of this study, I had a completely different outlook on this poem. At first, I did not even see what she was afraid of or why. I only recognized depression in the poem, I didn't understand that she was afraid of anything, I only thought she was sad and suicidal. I now see there is so much more than that. Her depression stems from her fear, and so does her anxiety. She fears living the sad life she does, she fears having to live another day of pain and hurt. The interview with my father really cleared things up for me. He told me about fear has taken over her life so much that she has the inability to control it. Fear is living her life for her, a mistake that many are making every day. I myself have experienced this. Sometimes I fear the upcoming life I have, and in turn feel anxious, stressed, and sad. I learned the importance of how to break from this way of living life.

The process of examining the poem this way really helped me. The interview was my favorite part of this assignment. To get this outside perspective helped me greatly to widen the horizon of my poem. The order of reading, analysing, interviewing, and analysing again was really affective for me. I hope I can use this process more in the future in my literature studies, it is so helpful. I saw the poem so clearly at the end of this process. Although the poem is short and may seem straightforward, it was so much different than I thought. Instead of seeing only depression and fear, I took away from the poem a message; that we must stop allowing fear to control our lives.

Something in the poem that changed over time for me and I took away at the end was this: "Fear at dawn for inevitably the sun will rise and I’ll have to see it/when the sun sets because it might not come out tomorrow. (Carranza 3-4). When I first read this line, I thought she was simply saying that she wishes to be dead. I was very wrong, however. What she is saying is completely different. Carranza means that she is scared that she might not make it to another day, and she is also scared that she will make it to another day. Her life is so full of fear that nothing, not life nor death, can comfort her and take away this fear. This is very important for anyone who feels trapped or depressed. Fear is what is anchoring them into this position, how can you move while not wishing life nor death? This purgatory is maddening, and Carranza does an amazing job of explaining this. I want help people recognize this, as Carranza has. 

Overall, this project was really positive and amazing for me. I took away so much more from this than I have with any other assignment I have come across. Not only where my eyes opened to the beauty and message of one poem, but there are 30 others I will be experiencing. The 3 presenters on Friday did an amazing job, and I truly did take something away from each poem. The objects given really made the message of each poem stick with me. My object is a small silhouette drawing of a man and his shadow. I chose the shadow as a well-known representation of fear. The truth to this fear is that the shadow is only yourself. You have only yourself to fear, that is the biggest truth I took away from I'm Afraid. You have only your own fear to fear, even though that might sound confusing. The only thing holding people back stems away from the primal nature of our fear. To conquer this in a positive way for our lives is the key to a happy fulfilled life.

Interview Analysis

Interview Analysis


I come in through my front door into my house. Almost no lights were visible from outside, as if no one was home. But surely, my family was home on this Monday night (around 6pm), which was good because I need to interview my father about my poem. I walk into the kitchen, which is light up and smells like the chicken and rice dinner that I had missed. My father was sitting at the kitchen table looking at something on his iPad. The kitchen was a little messy, some leftover dishes here and there. So, I asked my father is we could sit in the living room while I interview him. My father is always reading a book. He loves literature, and actually majored in English, which is why I was excited to bring my poem to him to interview.


My father sits on the couch and I sit in the red leather chair across from him. The living room is cozy and well light. I begin the interview with giving him a copy of my poem to read. He reads it several times over, and aloud slowly. I ask him what his first impressions are of the poem. He responds, "This poem really brings out the sensation of fear and describes very well how fear feels." I agree with him, and say that the poem is very relatable when it comes to feeling fear. I wait for my dad to say more, because I know that he will. Sure enough, he begins again. He says, "It expresses the authors uncertainty of life and the physical world. It really stresses how fear is a pure emotion sensed from instinct from your past. The author is clearly afraid of the inability to control her life. She seems to be suffering from sort of mental suffering, probably anxiety and depression." I ask him if he thinks the poem is really about her being afraid, or just being depressed. He answers, "She fears facing another day, she says she is afraid she might not survive another night. She fears her depression. Pretty sad."


I ask next why fear is taking such a big part of this woman' depression, because I had not noticed this. "She is aware of her fear," my father says, "she recognizes it. She is saying that even in death she wont be comforted. The primal nature of fear has taken over her." The author is very intelligent, very smart to have the understand that she is so fearful throughout her depression, and not just sad. I ask my father if he has any additional thoughts. He does, of course. I listen intently, writing furiously as he says, "The author really comes across with her expression of how primal fear is. When you experience fear, that is all you feel. It consumes you, you feel nothing else. That is why she gets so upset at these small inconveniences."


My last question for my father is if he is confused or uncertain about anything in the poem. He says he is not. He really helped me to understand that this poem was about more than just a sad woman. The interview made me realize how controlling this single emotion is. I really feel for the author. I feel so sad that she is so fearful of taking on another day. I am really sad to have learned in my research that she took her own life not long after this poem was written.

Poet Research

My poem is I'm Afraid by Maria Mercedes Carranza. Carranza was a poet and journalist born in Bogota, Colombia in 1945. Her father, Eduardo Carranza was a poet of great prestige. She has early influence of his poetry, and his father's friends' poetry (including Pablo Neruda). Maria lived part of her early life in Spain, and moved back to Colombia when she was in high school. She had a very hard time adjusting back to the culture. In her early twenties, she was appointed director of the Vanguard Literary Page in the Bogota newspaper, El Siglo (The Century). She studied philosophy and published her first book of poems, Vainas y otros poemas (Pods and other poems). For 16 years, Carranza was the director of the Casa de poesía Silva. Through it, she dedicated herself to teaching the people of Colombia that “words can replace bullets”, as she said. She did a lot to promote the poetry of  Colombian poet José Asunción Silva; and she created large events so that the people of Colombia could get “great doses of poetry” in her words, because she believed, “poetry helps you to live”. Carranza committed suicide in 2003 in the same city she was born.

The poem I'm Afraid is a dark poem. It is talking a lot about her displeasure of life, and how nothing makes her happy. Carranza's brother was kidnapped a few months before she committed suicide. He was never found, and this had a huge effect on the poet's life. She took her life by overdosing on antidepressant pills in July of 2003. She went through a great deal of suffering, as her poem shows. She fears life and the way life can hurt so badly. She fears suffering, for she fears she won't be able to endure any more suffering and new hardships. She says, "But then perhaps it takes only a stain on the tablecloth and again terror overcomes me". She is overwhelmed by the smallest fear, everywhere she turns there is fear. 

Works Cited
http://www.poetryinternationalweb.net/pi/site/poet/item/1280/16/maria-mercedes-carranza
http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=es&u=http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar%25C3%25ADa_Mercedes_Carranza&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dmaria%2Bmercedes%2Bcarranza

siddhartha essay

Suffering is the reason people want to live, and the reason they don't. Suffering both plagues and aides Siddhartha as he goes through his journey of life in Herman Hesse's novel.


Suffering is the reason people want to live, and the reason they don't. Suffering both plagues and aides Siddhartha as he goes through his journey of life in Herman Hesse's novel. Siddhartha experiences many sorts of suffering, the main ones being love, finding himself, and temptation. He suffers so much with love, but it doesn't end there for him. He goes through great struggle to find himself, which is delayed by his desire and temptation. Through all this suffering is how Siddhartha eventually reaches enlightenment.

At the beginning of the book, Siddhartha suffers with finding himself. This is the reason he leaves home, as he is unsatisfied with his Bromhin life. He leaves his family to set out to find a life that suits him, so that he may find himself. "Where did his eternal heart lie beating? Where else but within oneself, in the innermost indestructible core each man carries inside him. But where, where was this Self, this innermost, utmost thing?"(Hesse 5). Siddhartha is very unsettled with the fact he does not know himself, who he is. This is when he realizes he must take a journey, and have life experiences in order to find himself. He longs for peace within himself, to be settled at heart. "He longed to be rid of himself, to find peace, to be dead." (Hesse 73). Siddhartha cannot stand being in this situation of 

I'm Afraid

I'M AFRAID
Maria Mercedes Carranza

Look at me: fear inhabits me.

Behind these serene eyes, in this body that loves: fear.

Fear at dawn for inevitably the sun will rise and I’ll have to see it,

when the sun sets because it might not come out tomorrow.

I watch the mysterious noises of this house that crumbles,

the ghosts, the shadows surround me and I’m afraid.

I make sure to sleep with the light on

and I get my hands on spears, shields, illusions.

But then perhaps it takes only a stain on the tablecloth

and again terror overcomes me.

Nothing calms me, nothing soothes me:

neither this useless word, nor the passion of love,

not even the mirror where I can already see my dead face.

Listen carefully, I shout it: I’m afraid.

Siddhartha End

The end of Siddhartha got more complicated. I really enjoyed this book, nonetheless. It is definitely my favorite piece of literature that we studied this year. I like how the book let you learn about about the self, which is something everyone can apply to themselves. I really liked how the book encouraged the following of yourself, and listening to the world around you. My favorite thing about the book is how it handles death. Finding happiness in Siddhartha's death, appreciating his life, and understanding that he was ready for death, was all a change of pace from most literature.

I hated chapter 6. Siddhartha and Kamala say they never really loved each other, but clearly they did, and they do. They were in love all along, it makes me kind of angry that they're playing that game with each other's minds. Kamala dies in Siddhartha's arms at they end of the chapter, and they were in love. They wasted time playing around that they didn't love each other, and now one of them is dead. Siddhartha discovers he has a son with whom he shares his name. Their relationship mirrors that of Siddhartha and his Brahmin father, which makes him understand that his son must leave. Govinda finds Siddhartha again at the end of the book, and experiences his enlightenment and death. The major theme playing out here is love; both with Kamala and Govinda.

Siddartha

The first half of Siddhartha, chapters 1-6, Siddhartha is starting his journey. He exhibits the first parts of the Hero's Journey, such as responding to the call to action. He sets out to be Samana, but is never satisfied with the knowledge he gains. He learns so much but always acts as if it is never good enough. I see Siddhartha as being kind of ignorant and stuck up. He seeks knowledge, but if he truly is ignorant, he wont be able to achieve what he wants. It is great that he has such a passion for knowledge and learning and new things, which could bring him very far, even enlightenment. If his ignorance continues, he won't be able to achieve this.

In the first half of this book, Govinda and Siddhartha set out to find and listen to the teachings of the Buddha. Govinda and Siddhartha part here, as Govinda joins the Buddha. Siddhartha isn't satisfied with the Buddha's teachings, he thinks he is wrong, so he keeps moving on. The city he ends up in is one to tempt him and change his beliefs. He meets Kamala, who teaches him how to love. They soon realize that they are not in love with each other, but I think they will later on. Love is a tricky thing in this situation. The brink of love is hard place to be, and this could be dangerous if one person falls in love and the other does not. Siddartha seems to be centered on himself, and still showing both ignorance and arrogance, so maybe love will help him start his journey to enlightenment.